who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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