my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
