Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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