He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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