mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I checked into jail on foursquare
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
