I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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