Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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