Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
