non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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