I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
