i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
