I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
