Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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