I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
