this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
