just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
