when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
