I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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