walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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