Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
