when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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