u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
