A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
