Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
