How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
