Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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