I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
