Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
