You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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