OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
