You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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