she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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