O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
