I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
