my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
