I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
