I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
