we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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