I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
