so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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