some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How's work?
Spinning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
