She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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