Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
