Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
