She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
