Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
