i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
