we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this just has baby written all over it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
