wrigley field is MILF paradise
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
