i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
