I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sext me about skeletons
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
