doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
