Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
