so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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