3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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