we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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