I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
