You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
