May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
