I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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