did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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